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Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil straightdope. Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks. I work year a small liberal arts college. I have a co-worker with whom I'm work chums we're dating bosom buddies but we like each other at work- I'm sure you've had one. He ended a long-term relationship last year non live-in and I was glad when he said he'd met someone who dating "did it for him"- bright, vivacious, intellectual and, I just learned when I met her- 19 years old.

She's a student at the college where we work. He's technically a professor but he's non-teaching, so she's not ever going to be in any of his classes, so that's not an issue. I'm not going to say anything to him or her about it because it's none of my business, but it majorly bothers me two levels: he's still a professor and she's still a student even if the college doesn't have a dating ban [unless students are in the professor's class] and the fact that she's by some definitions a minor and he's closing in on middle age].

I'm curious to see what others think: if you had friends in this type of relationship, would you think "She's a BABY! My husband's second wife was 17 years younger than him.

It obviously didn't work out. She moved on to younger pastures. My parents had an 18 year age difference she was 16 year he was 34 when they married [and he was her high-school teacher]- this was rural Alabama in the early s when that wasn't so scandalous and the marriage lasted for 30 years.

It wasn't a happy union, it's just that its unhappiness got tenure. How much of my parents' unhappiness was based in the age difference I don't know, but I can't old the feeling that when a guy goes after a gal half-his-age, however else he may justify it the lust for year young flesh is high on the list of REAL motivations not to say that he can't be intellectually attracted as well.

I'm honestly not sure what motivates a 19 year old girl to go after a guy twice her age it's definitely not money with this kid as judging by her car and clothes she's from a very well-to-do family. You are absolutely right. It IS none of your business. Maybe you would do well to adopt my motto: I don't care WHAT you do, as long as you don't do it to me. Just my opinion, love. As a Prof. Wht he is doing is very taboo among the upper echelon of college profs.

Though not conpletely unheard of, it does happen, but it is not a norm by any means. Sounds like your 38 year old prof.

It is not advisable to date students at your institution, and though I have personal objections to the age difference, in this situation it is more of old professional indecency. And it is non-of your business, but you'll probably be called upon to pick up the pieces when it falls apart. I feel for the girl If she only knew what she was getting into Sometimes it's the father figure thing.

I like the much older guys myself. On the other hand, this does seem a bit icky to me. I think it's because the girl is "just a baby". Before I started dating men twenty years older than me, I dated men the same age as myself, and one much younger.

Makes me wonder if this girl knows what she is doing, but hey! Could be she just wised up a lot faster than me. This is similar to my year situation and I'm pretty worried about it. She's 19 and apparently not just seeing, but sleeping with a 35 year old Scottish man that none of her family has ever met or knows anything about.

She let it slip to me I'm 28 FWIW when she had had one too many dating at a party exacting a promise that I wasn't to tell our old. Well I told my older sister and she told my mother so technically I didn't tell but my mother doesn't know what to do. My younger sister has a history of telling lies about who she's socialising with and what she gets up to when she goes out and despite numerous talks with her six older siblings she's the youngest year the family she can't seem to see the problem with this.

OK part of me says it's her life and she should do what she wants, and we can't lock her up because she's not a minor anymore, but I honestly do question the motivation year the average 35 year old man who wants to go out with a 19 yr old. He's either too much of a loser to get someone his own age or he is mainly motivated by sex rather than a desire old build a 'future' with his partner and equal partners? Also the fact that he's from Scotland - for all she knows he could be married and just coming over here for a bit of action every now and then I would be interested to find out how much the 19 yr old mentioned in the OP's family know about her 'relationship' with your colleague.

I just wish my little sister could see that and I fear for her safety she lost her virginity last year by being drugged and year by a 40 yr old at a party no one knew she was at because she had lied. First, dating gut reaction?

When the luster is gone, dating younger one probably won't be around for the long haul. It is a fool's paradise. And, it'll never work. Seen it first-hand. It tears families apart - because it has impact and fallout concerning more than just the once-happy couple. It's even worse should they marry AND have kids. Then, it generates perhaps the ugliest of all divorces.

That's when their age differences really show the most I WAG it is the old one's way of foolishly thinking one can escape year mid-life crisis in this fashion Anyway, who says this is a heavy relationship?

Maybe they're just screwing each other's brains out. I'm 43 and the guy in the OP is my hero. The only upside of being middle-aged is that you can date women half your age and no one gets to say "boo" about it.

From the age of 32 to 37, I dated a woman 17 years my senior. My last date was with a year-old. As long as nobody's breaking the law and everyone's having fun, I don't see a problem here. I'm very sorry your sister endured this, but the rapist in question could just as easily have been dating years old. Sexual predation isn't something one grows into. Seriously, who cares? He's well within the law, and it's his and her life to live. Find something worth dating time to worry over. As long as nobody's breaking the law and everyone's having fun, I don't see a problem here Point taken but the point I'm making is that it's old less likely to be a level playing field emotionally between the two when the guy is years older.

The point is that these affairs break up more often than stick together in the long run, and when affairs break up someone nearly always gets hurt no matter what we would like to believe. I think the younger and less-experienced of the two is more likey to get hurt in this situation. That's why I can't help feeling that guys who go out dating much younger girls are often sleazy because they aren't necessarily being honest about what they're prepared to offer their young old who is often so starry-eyed and flattered at being given attention by an older man that she doesn't fully appreciate the reality of the situation.

I'm painting a bleak picture I know but I think it's a bit more realistic than the happy sunny picture a lot of other people paint of such an un-equal relationship.

And yeah there's nothing old you can do about it other than express disapproval when they're both 'consenting adults' but there are adults and there are adults, so yes, I do dating my right to disapprove in general while conceding that in certain rare circumstances it may work out well. Like others and yourself have noted, it's none of your business. I agree it's very strange, year they are both adults and hopefully capable of making their own decisions.

I won't say anything about it because I learned long ago that nobody myself most certainly included is going to listen to anybody else where their sex-life is concerned year, as somebody here pointed out, 19 is above the age of consent in every state, but here's another weirdity is that a word?

She was a very young grandmother she had a kid when she was about 18 and that child had a child when she was about the lady was slightly older than my co-worker- probably and became a grandmother after they started dating- and though I'm gay I can still say she looks better in a pair of tight jeans than any "granny" I ever saw.

It's just particularly unusual to go from dating a grandmother to dating a teenager unless you're Woody Allen. Old wondered if there's as much of dating stigma in the straight community, or if there'd be as much or more of a stigma if a 19 year old guy was dating a hot 38 year old dating.

Now otoh, I don't have the slightest problem looking at male strippers who aren't much if any older than 19 anymore than most straight guys would mind looking at female strippers that age, but somehow that's different because Seacrest out. I'm with Phlosphr. This does not seem like a smart career move. It may not technically be against the rules, but does he really want to be known as "that creepy prof who sleazes on students"?

And he will be known as that. I'm a 38 year old guy. Saturday, I had a date with a woman who is Although I don't think I could date someone who is 19, I can understand how old a relationship could happen. I've never been married, so parts of my life are in an arrested stage of development. I've got the material belongings and maybe the maturity of somebody in their 30s, but because I never got married or had children, my social life resembles someone who is just out of college.

In a way, I can identify very closely with someone who is in their late teens year early 20s. If I was with someone who was college-aged, I wouldn't feel that we didn't share a year set of experiences. The tricky thing to being a never married single guy in your 30s is that you may think a woman who is actually in your age group is much older I'm finding that as I get older, I have a much more difficult time estimating a woman's age. It's hard to conceptualize that a woman your age would have two teenage kids, or be driving a minivan.

May-December attractions have their risks and downsides, but generally speaking, acquaintance rape isn't one of them. Most college-age women who are drugged and raped, are drugged and raped old their generational peers, frequently old fellow students. What your sister endured was a horrible crime, but it wasn't part of a larger general pattern of older men dating roofies into younger women's drinks.

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I find it odd that somebody who is 30 would want to date a 19 year old, I'm 26 and can't even imagine dating someone younger than say 22/ You're at such. Yes, an 18 or year-old guy can date a year-old girl as long as her parents The guy was twenty-two and the girl was seventeen and dating with the full. That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he kee.